Whether we admit it or not, as the O-week begins, we all start wondering how’s love life on campus. The first item on our to-do list? Checking out potential hotties and OhGodNo’s all around campus. As if they are just pictures on Tinder, you keep swiping left or right wondering who you might actually end up with.
Wishful thinking on our part! Cue the eye roll.
How Love Life on Campus Unfolds
When the classes start, you make it your mission to take a quick inventory of those who’re worthy of being your crush.
Instead of paying any attention to the instructor, you keep stealing glances and smiling like a goofball.
Memorizing their names during the roll call, you go home and the first thing you do? Obviously, stalk the shit out of them without leaving any stone unturned.
I’m talking about the kind of stalking which will make intelligence agencies jealous. We’re talented that way.
The universe is usually in your favor because as Facebook and WhatsApp groups for the courses are made, it’s more than convenient to keep tabs on them.
Starting a conversation is almost too easy; all you need is a puppy dog face. Telling them that you need their help in a course not only strokes their ego but also gives you a chance to spend time with them.
“Library sessions”, exchanging notes, sending them questions and making them feel smarter help your case. You then casually drop the idea of a study date. Being subtle. And you get lucky.
However, this method doesn’t work for those impatient ones out there harboring a crush and thinking that this one-sided infatuation would change into a story of Romeo and Juliet overnight.
Imagining different scenarios of how they can’t see you now but once you graduate, you’ll be this glamorous version of Mahira Khan or Fawad Khan and they’ll be begging you?
HA HA not happening. Either you’ll get married to your version of Nasir Khan Jan or work your ass off to make a name for yourself in the corporate world.
Some of you might actually follow your crush around campus and memorize their routine so that once you meet them at their usual place you can act all surprised and say, “Oh you come here often? I wasn’t expecting you.”
If you’re really lucky and you both start dating, you wouldn’t want to jinx it. Instead of admitting the truth in front of your curious as hell friends, you’ll fake smile and say, “We’re just friends.” Mmhmm of course you are.
Ignoring those friends, blocking everyone else out, without paying any heed to potential dangers or warnings, you’ll dive head first (and break it consequently).
Holding hands, watching movies in the library, random chillings and God knows what else.
If you think everyone else is unaware of your regular visits to places with less cameras, hangouts in the parking lot and breaks in the courtyard just to “talk”, the joke’s on you.
After getting this honeymoon phase out of your system, you both slowly discover that your partner has flaws. Meaningless fights (why’d you like XYZ’s Instagram picture? Are you losing interest?), you “talk” often, being a general pain in the ass, using up all the tissues in the vicinity.
Congratulations! You’ve reached the saturation point.
After shedding a few dozen tears, literally or figuratively and going through the inevitable breakup of every doomed relationship you realize that THE ONE wasn’t actually your soul mate. SHOCKER!
And all of a sudden depression hits you hard. Life becomes hopeless and you start crying a river.
You’ll tell all your friends to stop you from doing something dumb and fall for someone again because now you know better.
*After ten seconds* “Damn who’s this hot newbie in our class? I need a complete report on his/her activities.”